My Determined Purpose

Thumbing through an old journal of mine, from a very specific time of prayer in my life, I’ve been thinking back on what I felt as I wrote the words on those pages.

One entry, from May of ’06, I remembered very well. Almost like a movie in my mind, the memory plays out: I was sitting in my backyard, with my Bible and my pen, two of my favorite things and I was staring off at nothing in particular. You know, it was just a moment of reflection and a day where solace was something I was aching for.

I remember well, I was hungry and I was warm.

And I remember thinking; journaling: “It’s not what I expected is it? Not what I thought at all…But now I can say to you [and mean it!]: “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” I went on to write, “It is You or nothing for me. You or none of it. You. I want.”

I don’t know if writing these words can really do justice to what journaling something like that to Christ means in this life of mine.

As a matter of fact, I am rather confident my Mom and I may be the only two who fully understand the weight of that miracle. Because had you looked at me or heard me speaking my thoughts on Christ a few years earlier; you, or any Christian, would have been appalled.

Because I didn’t want Him. As a matter of fact, I wanted nothing less.

So to write, “I want nothing more than You,” is a downright miracle. And a testament to the transforming power of Christ Jesus. I cannot stress that enough.

What I thought and wrote next that day still comes back to memory for me on a rather regular basis. It is something the Lord reminds me of continually, as if to whisper His remembrance of it as well.

For it was at that moment, in that backyard, on that day, under that sun, that I looked upon a portion of the lawn covered in dandelions. It just ushered in for me, the childhood recollection of pulling as many out of the soiled ground as possible and wishing.

And so I wrote:
“If could pick those ‘wishers’; I’d wish for you, Lord. I wish you, Jesus.”

Philippians 3:10-11, penned by Paul, says, “I want to know Him. I want to have the same power in my life that raised Jesus from the dead. I want to understand and have a share in His sufferings and be like Christ in His death. Then I may be raised up from among the dead.”

All of our lives we wish for things, many of us missing that everything worth anything lies in knowing Christ now; because if we know Him now, our pasts are redeemed and our future is secure.

This is a hard one because in order for us to know Christ more and the power of His resurrection we have to accept knowing Him in suffering.

We have to even still in the midst of loss and heartbreak; in the barrenness of desert land and serious heat; in the seasons of falling leaves and bare branches – even then we must press on with the determination of following Him.

I am confident it is in those moments, those heart-heavy days, where those who still wish for more of Jesus will find more of Him.

May He and the power of His resurrection be ours abundantly; even if it means suffering…

Hebrews 2:9 (New International Version)
"But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone."

Forgive me for this reprint from Taste Buds - I'm still playing catch up!