Staring Me Down

I clearly remember standing in a Macy’s department store, trying on jewelry and catching a glimpse of a young woman across the aisle. I loved her outfit instantly and I immediately thought, “I would totally wear that!” And I literally would because the glimpse I caught of the girl was actually a reflection of me in the store mirror across the way!
Can you imagine? There I was trying on gorgeous bracelets, locking eyes with some girl and for a split second the girl staring back at me seemed like a stranger in a cute outfit. My reaction when reality dawned was priceless. I laughed for the next two days over that ‘blonde’ moment and blamed it on low caffeine counts in my blood.
I wonder if you have ever come face to face with yourself and not recognized who you saw. Perhaps not quite as ridiculously as I that day, but have you ever just sat back after doing something regretful and thought, “What was that? Who am I becoming?” or “How could I have just made that decision?”
Sin has a way of staring us down. It wants us to know just what we have done and how ‘bad’ we are. The enemy has a real knack for tempting us into something wrongfully appealing at the time and then turning it around into a blame game the moment we have given in. He is titled the Accuser for a reason. Day and night he not only accuses God before us, he accuses us before God!
Psalm 51 is my go-to Psalm when I am feeling a bit unfamiliar to myself .The words are painful to pray because I feel they break the heart of my Maker…but there is beauty in redemption, this I know. There is healing in forgiveness.
The most humbling of moments in my life have been when I am sprawled out face down on the floor speaking to my Savior, “Make a fresh start in me. Shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life… breathe your holiness into me…bring me back…I will praise you.”
There is something to be said about raw honesty before the Lord. Take David for example, Psalm 51 is his prayer plea after having murdered a man because he had impregnated his wife! Come on now – talk about poor decisions!
The powerful reality of the Cross of Christ is that we are never too far-gone for forgiveness. It is still just as accessible this day as it was on the very first day Christ arose.
What was offered to the disciples is offered today to you. The sinful cords that once entangled us are still broken! Death had been defied. Christ is alive. And there is nothing that can separate us from the redeeming work of Jesus.
I encourage you to be honest before the Lord. Open up and tell Him your struggles, where you feel you are letting Him down and ask for a fresh breath of His holiness.
I’m going to tell you, these days I don’t want to recognize myself in the mirror. Every day I am praying I look more and more like my Savior and less and less like a woman of this world.

Psalm 51:10-15
"God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise. "