Proverbs 14:13
“Laughter can conceal a heavy heart;
when the laughter ends, the grief remains.”
- NLT
Packing up my kitchen belongings was one of the most retched things I have ever had to do. When my cancelled wedding was for sure not back on, I had to go to my would’ve- been- new -home and collect all the things I had just dropped off. To add insult to injury all of the pretty things I had purchased were already set up and staring so stylishly at me. I had never imagined my country style kitchen would end up a ghost town. With tumble weed memories blowing to and fro.
A good friend of mine offered to help me pack up all my ‘newlywed’ things and by the time we were finished stocking the car, I couldn’t be sure if he understood just how deeply I was hurting. Especially since I was laughing and joking.
We went out to lunch after that horrific scene of wedding-day murder and of all the places to be seated the hostess chose to set us up right under (you won’t believe this…) a picture of my just made ex-fiancé! Yes, it’s true. He had won a track race and well…the local place had a picture displayed. Sitting under his smiling face, while trying to eat lunch that day, was anything but doable. I had a hard time even swallowing.
Due to the tears gathering in my eyes I had to cut the lunch short and call it a day. On my way home I replayed every last detail of my day, right down to counting how many boxes of stuff had accumulated in the trunk. One major theme running races in my mind: Why was I smiling all day? Why didn’t I scream and throw things? Why did I agree to go out to lunch? And why didn’t I tell that hostess she was out of her mind thinking I would sit under Mr. Heartbreaker? What was I doing??? Proverbs speaks a simple truth to each of us, “Laughter can conceal a heavy heart; when the laughter ends, the grief remains.” God was such a good friend to me that day. Driving home I blasted Chris Tomlin music and I just sang my little, grieving heart out! And do you know what? I didn’t feel bad. I didn’t feel like I was doing something wrong. I didn’t feel ashamed for wanting to cry. Didn’t feel shy for having a major heart ache. I didn’t feel the need to act joyful when I was clearly in a state of grief.
We get this wrong too many times. We are not called to role play before Jesus. He came so that we might know our heavenly Father intimately. Let us leave the acting to the Pharisees. And for once in our earthly lives let’s get before God and state the obvious: Today, Lord, I just want to cry. No lunches please. Just take me in your arms.
Do you know what our God says about this very thing? Do you know His planned purpose for His Son? Check out Isaiah 40:11…“He {Jesus} tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart…”
Do you need to curl up in your Shepherd’s arms today? No feigning a smile, no safe remarks. Do you need a moment to lay aside laughter and admit your heart aches? Loved one, if this is you, do not hesitate. How sad it would be to hold Christ back from carrying out His purpose in your life. Be tended this day. Be gathered. Be carried. Be close to his heart.
Forever His, Kristen
